On the Edge

I’m 53, female and I have bipolar disorder. It is a mental illness that affects my moods and the way I manage my life. I was diagnosed in 2006.

Looking back I can see that I had bipolar disorder in my teens and maybe even some early symptoms as a young child. I always had periods of major depression and I had a manic episode at 16 – except I did not know I was manic at the time. I was first prescribed medication for anxiety and depression in my teens, and this continued along with several years of therapy throughout my adult life. I was told I was severely depressed, anxious and that I suffered from dissociation, but bipolar disorder was never mentioned.

It is not unusual for people to wait a long time to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. One reason is that people like me go to the doctor or therapist during periods of depression; we are less likely to go when we are hypomanic or manic. At that time we often feel great (those around us see what is happening more than we do!). So to be told that you have major depression is a common outcome, but being treated for depression alone never worked for me, and I was constantly feeling that something else was wrong.

When I found out that I have bipolar it was like a weight being lifted from my shoulders. Everything started to make sense. Now I knew what was causing me to behave in certain ways and to have particular feelings, I had something with which to work.

My ongoing treatment consists of regular visits to a psychiatrist who manages my medication regime and also guides me through psychotherapy. My medications are a “cocktail”. It is not unusual for people with bipolar to take a number of medications to remain stable.

One purpose of starting this blog is to share my experiences and thoughts about bipolar disorder and how it affects my life and the lives of those around me. Mainly though, I am doing it for myself. Any sort of writing is a form of therapy for me so I decided to use a blog instead of just using a journal.

Thank you for reading.

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A MOOD CHART

I keep a modified version of a Mood Chart with daily entries for my medication, how many hours sleep I’ve had and the quality of it, my mood on a scale of one to ten and a space for a general comment.

As well I write a journal which details my activities and interactions, feelings and thoughts.

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SERENITY

BEAUTY

PEACEFUL

FRIENDS

AWAKENING

NEW DAY